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Added a post  to  , Barbara Morton

Dear Barbara

I found your first chapter a very accomplished piece of writing. Very flowing, evocative and introducing your world terms in a meaningful way. You deftly introduce your three main protagonists, their basic characters, roles and what is important to them, with the requisite amount of mystery to make me want to keep reading. I also liked the way the characters interact with each other from different perspectives as you move from one character to the other.

 A few minor points you might want to think about. Firstly, you might want to make the explicit link that Anders is the High Tas. In the introduction of Kayne you only talk of the High Tas, then you switch to Anders perspective. It is implicit he is the same person but it is a bit confusing at first.

Your opening paragraph is full of mystery – something weird happening to the inn – was it an earthquake or an elemental force that shook it? Yet it is dismissed and never referred to again. This left me a bit confused. It sounded important, but then wasn’t.

Finally you sometimes write Fluxers with a capital F and sometimes with a small f.

Hope this helps and let me know when you post chapter 2.

Oliver

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