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Hi Everyone,

I am new to the Fairytales Group and would like to introduce myself. I've been writing for a number of years and Fantasy of various types is one of my favorite genres. I currently have a short story that runs about 6,398 words and is a whimsical haunting inside a grocery store. It is a humor/horror/action-adventure blend. The pace is fast. This weird (the realistic doing the absurd) speculative story is a karmic lesson about ordinary doing the extraordinary. I've named it Friday Nights is Not a Good Time to Get Groceries. I've sent this story to a number of publications. Although about 5 of them have expressed liking it and saying they believe it is publishable, they pass on it. This is perplexing to me and tells me changes are needed, something is wrong that I need to fix, but I just can't see what that is. It would be so helpful to get feedback on what others think the problem is or are. Thank you a head of time to anyone who wants to read Friday Nights. I am willing to return the favor. With interest, I will upload the story and make it available or send it to an email. Please let me know.

---Christina

 Here is a quick overview of the story:

Beth, a single mother races to save her daughter and herself from a grocery store ghost-demon by re-purposing common pickles and eventually admits her elderly neighbor’s earlier warning had been spot-on:  FRIDAY NIGHTS ARE NOT A GOOD TIME TO GET GROCERIES.

The rumor of a ghostly old woman and who makes people disappear is thought by many to be a backfiring publicity-stunt to draw customers. At the same time, Lawrence Herkles didn’t pay any attention to rumors. What he wanted was simple:  to rob Better Foods, to shut his nagging wife up about feeding their family, and to pay the rent. Lawrence decides to take advantage of the opportunity of a commotion inside the store until he too comes face-to-face with the monster. She believes he’s the disrespectful man who had caused her demise!

Not until the end of the story is Beth’s unusual weapon critical in re-establishing the balance of good and evil inside a grocery store, and does Lawrence respect rumors.  

Comments
  • Hi Christina, and welcome to the group🎊 

    Thank you for posting the 'overview' of your story. There is definitely a lot going on to draw the reader in.

    On the other hand, I'm confused. Beth appears in the first and last paragraph — is the 're-purposing common pickles' her 'unusual weapon'?

    Who is Lawrence Herkles? A burglar and desperate father/husband?

    And who is the 'disrespectful man who had caused her demise'?

    What is Better Foods? Is it the grocery store where the monster/ghost/demon is causing trouble? (I'm assuming the 'She' mentioned in the last sentence 2nd paragraph is the 'ghostly old woman'.)

    I'm interested to take a look at your story. Please do upload it here, or send it to my email: veronika.bond@yahoo.co.uk


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    • Hi Veronika, 

      Thank you for your your suggestions and for agreeing to take a look at my story. I uploaded it in the Fairytales group. Please let me know if you have any trouble accessing it. 

      Christina

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