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Cocooned in my hoody, on Spellbinder a chair at the top of the garden, where I’d gone to hang out, everything felt kinda hopeless.


This is my first sentence of my middle grade novel written in first person past tense. Just not sure about it? Any thoughts?

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    • Hi Alison, you end the sentence well with 'everything felt kinda hopeless'. That looks like your focus and, without knowing anything about your story, it seems like a good one. Before that phrase, you're trying to do too much. The sentence is loaded with too much detail and it's sinking.

      What are the most important points apart from the hopelessness? 

      'At the top of the garden, where I’d gone to hang out, everything felt kinda hopeless.'

      This reads better although the garden may not be so important that you want it in the opening sentence. Perhaps the hoody is more significant, or the chair. Or you may want the garden but a stronger start could be, 'I'd gone to hang out at the top of the garden but everything felt kinda hopeless






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      • Thank you Libby -- you've been very helpful. Love your second option: fits real well.

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        • Thanks, Alison. I'm glad it was helpful. 

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          • I don’t write middle grade so this may be a silly question but what does ‘on Spellbinder’ mean? Is it a drug? 

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            • Hi Georgina, it's just a fictional name for a magical chair. ;)

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