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Added a comment to Tone 

Thank you Calvin. It's not a nice journey for the protagonist, but it ends well.

The advice on here has been so helpful and all comments have become changes, and it does read so much better.
My sister gave me one too that made me laugh. She said the bag rustling made her think there was a cat in it. So that's changed to the bag beside me rustles with each move of the car.

I can see things so clearly in my head I sometimes forget I need to articulate them better.

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