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Hello, All, and Happy New Year!  I'm working on my "jacket blurb" and would love some feedback on what I have so far.  I appreciate any input, but I'm especially concerned about length and whether or not it's interesting enough to make you want more.

Thanks so much!!

Sam lives in modern-day Washington D.C. with a great job as an analyst for the NSA...until she is laid off in the wake of a long, drawn-out government shut down.  The lay-off came at a terrible time, just as she had a breakthrough on a strange case she was assigned regarding the disappearance of four hikers.  However, this twist of fate comes with a silver lining: a new job opportunity with a well-known government contracting firm, The Baxter Group.  Gaining a role there as a field operative would allow her to continue her work on the case of the missing hikers.  Being a field agent is her dream job—the job she’s spent years grooming herself for—but she must prove herself first in an extensive training environment.

Benjamin Baxter, the Director of Field Operations at The Baxter Group, was a field operative for nine years until his grandfather, John Baxter—the founder and CEO of The Baxter Group—pulled him out of the field and put him in the Director role.  Ben resents this new role and craves being in the field again.  When the profile for a field operative trainee, Evangeline Grace Sampierre (Sam), comes across his desk, he balks at her lack of experience, but through her finds a way back into the field.

Sam—focused, headstrong, and a recovering social recluse—needs to earn the respect of her would-be boss, Benjamin Baxter.  But her stubborn need to always be in control and self-reliant plagues her.  She is determined to solve the case of the missing hikers, but can she do it on her own?

Ben—smart, handsome, but painfully aloof—has to navigate his new role as a leader while satisfying his need to be in the field.  Will Ben give Sam a chance to prove herself?  

Sam and Ben—two people from two different worlds—collide unexpectedly under a shared purpose at Hampton National Forest.  What will they learn? How will they grow and change?  And to what lengths are they willing to go to get what they want?

Comments
  • I, personally, would make it a bit more spare, and leave more gaps for the reader to wonder about, like: “Sam has a great job in Washington but is laid off at the worst possible time just before making her greatest breakthrough…”

    “Two very different people collide with a shared purpose. Will they stop at anything to get what they want?”

    I would always want to leave the would-be reader with more questions and fewer answers. I am currently reading a book I do not like but can't put it down because I have no idea how it is going to end.

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    • Thank you!!

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      • Definitely make it shorter. Also, it was a bit repetitive, for example the first sentence could be : Sam, laid off from a great analyst job at an inconvenient time having just made a breakthrough etc.

        When I read jackets, which I always do before buying, I want to know : who is the main character, why she’s interesting and what is her challenge ahead? Sometimes I don’t think there is enough detail, but then I want to read the book and so will dip into the first pages. Then I decide whether to buy or not.

        Hope this helps. 

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        • What if I just reduced it to the last three paragraphs, like this?


          Sam—focused, headstrong, and a recovering social recluse—needs to earn the respect of her would-be boss, Ben.   But her stubborn need to always be in control and self-reliant plagues her.  She is determined to solve the case of the missing hikers, but can she do it on her own?

          Ben—smart, handsome, but painfully aloof—has to navigate his new role as a leader while satisfying his need to be in the field.  Will Ben give Sam a chance to prove herself?  

          Sam and Ben—two people from two different worlds—collide unexpectedly under a shared purpose at Hampton National Forest.  What will they learn? How will they grow and change?  And to what lengths are they willing to go to get what they want?

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          • Hi Astrid, congrats on getting to this stage! I agree it is a bit long at the moment for a blurb.  It sounds as if the heart of the story is the search for the four missing hikers.  My thinking (without having read the book, so what would I know?) would be to cut it back to something very short and digestible like this: -

            Four hikers are missing in the Hampton National Forest.

            As a newly appointed field agent, Sam is determined to find out what happened.  In her stubborn way she sets out to solve the case - but can she do it on her own?

            Sam's new boss Ben is smart and handsome - but painfully aloof. Is Ben all he seems?  Will he give Sam a chance to prove herself?  And to what lengths will they both go to get what they want?

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            • Thank you, Jez! This helps.

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