After all the very helpful advice and feedback you gave me on the previous post, I've had another go. I'm a lot happier with the query letter (although I am still not sure about comp title), but I've written the synopsis several times, and I just cannot seem to nail it. I've attached the latest version, and would love some feedback on this. I've tried to use all the advice given, however I think it's flat, and doesn't quite sell it.
The letter is below, and please ignore the formatting, I've copied and pasted from Word and it's gone a bit 'wibbly' (technical term). Thank you in advance!
I seek representation for my first novel, Reality Filter, an urban fantasy, complete at 90,000 words, set in modern day West Yorkshire.
The world as we know it has been subject to a Reality Filter. Kelly, an assistant psychologist, just broke her Reality Filter and now sees what’s Really There, including three imps, who’ve decided to befriend her. This is extremely distracting, especially when she is trying to support people who see and hear things that AREN’T really there. Or so Kelly always thought.
Her discovery takes a dangerous turn when Kelly learns that a patient is plagued by an ancient being made of shadow, one which has been hiding from the magical folk for centuries. The Shadow does not suspect that Kelly has broken her filter, which makes her the only one able to trap it. With help from the imps, Kelly must risk everything for the safety of her patient; her job, her mental health, and her sensible life.
It will appeal to readers of Mark Hayden’s The 13th Witch, Tom Holt’s Little People, and Ben Aaronovitch’s Rivers of London.
I am in my mid-thirties, living in Yorkshire with my husband and three cats.
I have previously worked in advertising, forensic and acute mental health services, and currently work as an investigator in a major crime unit for the police. My experiences in these roles have taught me that truth really is stranger than fiction, and have inspired me to write this novel. Reality Filter is my first novel, the first in a planned series.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Kind Regards (NB - is this too formal/stiff? Would you go with 'best wishes', or another sign off? I always default to 'kind regards')