Comment to 'ROOTS, a short excerpt posted for feedback'
  • Pat, excellent advice (as usual!)

    0 0 0 0 0 0
    • Pat, excellent advice (as usual!). I totally agree with respect to Emma's website.Since the editing course, it has been my main source for checking how I'm progressing.

      0 0 0 0 0 0
      • Hi Roger, thanks for reading.

        I like Emma's blog and have used it a lot. But... in respect to filtering and distancing, she also says that there are times when filtering words such as "I thought" etc. are irreplaceable. I think Roots is such a case because the words "I mused about" and "I thought of" show the character's thoughts., we are being privy to Mariza's thoughts so the filter is correctly applied. Cutting these words would change the meaning and the scene. What do you think?

        Also, the different topics (the tree, the vineyards, the neighbour, the chestnuts, the family gathered in the kitchen...) all come to the reader through the narrator, Mariza, as a stream of thought. And thoughts are like a thread: one thing leads to another. But they are all linked & anchored to the setting and Mariza. Do you think this works or does the piece feels haphazard?

        For me, everything in this piece is anchored in Mariza's perception and the setting. But other eyes may see it differently. Woud love to have your comments.

        0 0 0 0 0 0