Comment to 'Feedback on Chapter 1 and 2'
  • Hi Rebecca,

    No need to be anxious. We're nice here - well, most of us!

    I read the first three pages - at close to 5,000 words, there is a great deal here. Your writing is descriptive. In some parts it's spare (lean). In other areas, there are opportunities to lose some words but improve the narrative. Here's an example:

    She reached the classroom door.  Pushing her weight against the oak, she entered the classroom. The door hinges shrieked.  


    She reached the classroom door, pushed her weight against the oak and its shrieking hinges, and entered.  

    It's not much different, but perhaps a bit more streamlined. Also, the hinges have to shriek before she enters.


    Eleanor cast her eyes down to her school bag, sitting on the desk.


    Eleanor looked at her school bag (you have already said the bag is on the desk).

    The ability to make your point, still powerfully but in the fewest words, was a key learning point for me. It just takes practise.

    My other big recommendation is to introduce character dialogue as early as you can. I can't see any in the three pages I read.

    Good luck.


    0 0 0 0 0 0
    • Hi Neal

      Thank you so much for taking the time to give me this feedback. I love it when someone points out something you just didn't notice. Of course her bag is on the table. 😁 I do become word blind after a while and I suppose it's just practice as you say. I will go back through with a fine toothcomb. 

      Yes apologies. That was a lot to upload! I am an over explainer and I think I just word dumped without thinking how much I had uploaded. Very grateful for your time in looking at the first few pages. Thank you very much!

      Best wishes


      0 0 0 0 0 0
      • My pleasure, Rebecca.

        I might post something of my own later, so you will have your chance for revenge!

        0 0 0 0 0 0