Comment to 'Feedback on Chapter 1 and 2'
  • Hi Rebecca,

    I haven't read all of your work, but I read the first couple of pages and scan read the rest. I read quite a lot of YA, so was interested to read yours. You definitely seem to know your genre, and capture the general feel of YA in your story.  

    Feedback wise I would say that it probably needs a bit more dialogue, you use good descriptive language, but maybe the sentences could be a bit shorter, and language a bit more concise.  I wondered too how it would work to begin more media res, so that we start in middle of the action rather than at the beginning, and maybe in a first person perspective, rather than third person?  Sometimes I find it useful to play around with perspectives and see what works best. But that's just a suggestion, feel free to ignore it! 

    Overall, I can see it has lots of potential. Stephen King says that the first draft should just be you telling the story to yourself, and you can edit on the second and third drafts, so don't worry too much with the details yet. 

    Well done, and keep on keeping on.  Hope to see more as it progresses.  

    Good Luck

    Kelly x

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    • Hi Kelly

      Thank you so much for spending the time to read my chapters! I'm really glad you can see potential particularly as you know the genre. I had been wondering about in media res and starting with dialogue so I'll try that. As you say I might play around with a few options and see what works. I have cut the first couple of paragraphs already so I'll see how it goes from there. I'll keep an eye on my sentences. Along with YA I read a lot of classics and I think it shows sometime! 


      Rebecca :)

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