I just read it again and found myself wondering whether caged birds really do wait patiently. Like the hunter and prey, this is a slightly clichéd simile which doesn't really fit in with the rest of your narrative. I think I'd cut that bit too and start that sentence with 'He waited patiently...'
Hope you don't feel I've cut it to pieces. It really is beautiful, but I think it would be even more beautiful with that little bit less 'fleshing out'.
Thank you so much for your feedback and your kind words. I’ll definitely apply your suggestions to my writing. I was a bit worried that I was telling instead of showing that’s why I included the caged bird and hunter descriptions, but I’ll be sure to cut them out like you suggested.