Comment to 'Feedback on a scene'
  • Hi Jewlyn,

    Thank you so much for your feedback. Yes, this excerpt is part of a novel I’m writing. I wasn’t sure if my writing was very clear so I wanted to see if there were any aspects people weren’t sure of, so I’m glad you’ve pointed them out. 

    You’re right about the cash register bit, I‘ll take it out to avoid any confusion. Thank you for also pointing out the long paragraphs. I did notice it after I uploaded the file but I wasn’t sure if I could change it. I wrote this on the Scrivener app and just converted it to pdf when I was done, so I’ll be sure to edit it next time.

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