Comment to 'Feedback on a scene'
  • Hello! What worked for me was the sense of story. The narrator's brother's life has a story and it's an interesting one. But you're telling a lot of it in that excerpt. Could some of it be told later, through other memories or conversations? In my work-in-progress I wrote a detailed recollection of my main character recalling her mother's death - but in editing I had to be really strict with myself about how much of the detail was relevant to the main story and whether the length of the memory was distracting the reader's flow away from the present. :-) Hope my thoughts are useful in some way. If not, do ignore. Good luck with your writing!

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    • Thank you for your suggestions, I’ll definitely look into them. This is my first time posting on here and so far the feedback I’ve received has been amazing. Thank you once again 😊

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      • I was also quite touched by the generous responses I got the very first time I posted a question, even without being a regular or well known member of the community! 😀 

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        • Thanks for that, I have just found the webinar to watch. Think it may help me 😊

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