I've come to this rather late(!). Sorry! And I'm left with agreeing with all the terrific feedback you've been given already. I think Amanda's point about showing a bit more rather than telling is the only real (and minor) criticism I'd have too.
Otherwise, nothing but praise! It's a terrific piece of writing, really emotional, strong and powerful, and as others have said the word-choice and phrasing you've used are really, really good. It's prose written with a poet's ear for language, cadence and rhythm.
Thank you so much, it really means a lot to me. I‘m still working on showing instead of telling, I do struggle quite a bit with it but hopefully it’ll get better with time. Even though I was initially nervous to upload my work for the first time, I’m so glad I finally did! Thank you once again for your kind words.