Comment to 'Writing'
Comment to Writing
  • (continued)

    I genuinely enjoy the "there's not enough of it" line. In my head she says it entirely without shame (which is probably why I pictured her making out with a Danish as she says it, lol).

    Honestly, aside from these  little but often useful tweaks, and tied to some other comments by previous reviewers, the only thing in this scene that truly “took me out” of the otherwise bouncy and entertaining vibe, was the word “surreal.” I don’t know a woman who has gotten into her late teens, no-less her 20s, without experiencing rank sexism and inappropriateness in form way or another. Sadly, it isn’t surreal. It’s bitterly normal and downright banal. . So, my wish for this scene – and for Nathalie in general as we get to know her – is to lean into that truth. Own it. She’s obviously going to have her own take and thresholds as all women do – and I really liked that her inner monologue made it clear she *didn’t* feel humiliated but said she did by way of expedience and having some kind of upper hand (it tells me a lot about her) – but I guess I just don’t’ feel like this would be surreal to her. From what I can glean of who she is, it is more annoying than uncomfortable, more wearying and irritating than oppressive, and just generally complicated by her history with her boss. Ultimately, there is a LOT of juicy stuff here which, again, is why I’m definitely curious to see where it all goes!

    I truly hope that the examples I’ve offered are more useful than annoying and if you do have a go at a rewrite based on any of this, I hope you will post it with whatever else you share next so I can have a quick boo :)


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    • Brillaint Sulya, genuinely insightful. Thanks everyone who takes such time and effort to give useful, critical and accurate feedback.

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      • <wiping brow> PHEW! I always feel a bit nervous playing with other people's writing but some of the best, most educative feedback I've ever received came when people mucked about with mine, lol. I appreciate your graciousness and I'm grateful it seems like it might be useful.

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