Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Unsuitable Girl, spanning half a century, from India, Africa to the UK is a passionate love story set in the sixties, forbidden because of racial prejudice on both sides. Family duty set against love; cultures can merge, can't they? All you need is Love. 

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    • Hi Jeannie,

      Yes, I agree with Libby: let's try and trim this down :-)

      How about:

      Family loyalty conflicts with forbidden love in 1960's UK. Can [insert brief reference to the MC] bridge the cultural divide?

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      • I like emmaloo's. I agree that there needs to be a reference to the main character(s), since their dilemma and struggles are likely to be the primary focus of interest.

        '[MC1] and [MC2]'s love is threatened by family duty and racial prejudice. Is there a way to bridge the divide?'

        What's missing from this, of course, is any mention of the time in which the story's set and the multiple locations. But with a strict 20-word pitch, apparently, you seem to have to leave out all perpheral detail (no matter how important it seems) and cut right to the conflict at the heart of the story.

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        • I'm not so keen on this version. We don't know why the love is forbidden, so that's too vague. In the story, which problem is the biggest source of conflict, that created by the families on their own or by the wider culture? If it's the culture, the right phrasing might tell us that families behave this way too. 

          I like the phrase 'racial prejudice'. It has a period feel to it (rather than 'racism' which we'd probably use now). That hints at an author who has an ear for the 1960s - a good thing for historical fiction.

          On reflection, I think mentioning 1960s as your setting is important. In relation to racism. It creates an instant image.

          I've got stuck in a groove with my earlier suggestion which may be no good at all. And 'can love find a way' is a big cliche. But by way of explanation here's an update:

          A romance forbidden by racial prejudice - in the 1960s, can love find a way?

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