Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • This is too long, but I'm not sure how to cut it down. All suggestions appreciated:

    In a world where emotions are influenced by the colour of the sky, a soldier starts a guerrilla war to protect his family. What must he start to save the empire?

    0 0 0 0 0 0
    • Yes, Jon, it is very difficult but so important. The few words can inspire new readers. I like you first example so much. Apolcalypse is a powerful word. It drags the eyes and inspires terror. I love it.

      0 0 0 0 0 0
      • It certainly seems hard now, but we'll get there! Thanks Rick and Jon for hanging in there with me. I've tried to incorporate your excellent feedback:

        To save his family, Reece simply started a rebellion. Saving himself, well that will be more complicated!

        Not sure whether the ! adds real value?

        0 0 0 0 0 0
        • This is such interesting feedback Jon


          0 0 0 0 0 0