Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Just a general point about starting a pitch with 'when.' I could be completely wrong, but I think it's a bad idea. Two reasons:

    1. it increases the word count unnecessarily

    2. more importantly, it starts the pitch with a subordinate clause. That makes the sentence a little bit more difficult cognitively. More mental processing is required to understand it, to form an on-the-spot image/idea of what the pitch is saying.

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