Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Series pitch: What would it take for someone to become as evil and universally reviled as Sauron?

    Book 1 pitch: The King is dead; Heir unnamed. Who killed him? Which noble will succeed him? What will become of the outcast he despised?

    0 0 0 0 0 0
    • Your seven(?) PoV's come back to bite you in the arse! Hahaha! 😂  If anyone can refine that down to 20 words, you can! 😉 

      0 0 0 0 0 0
      • Hi Rick,

        They're both certainly short and punchy enough, but I will offer some suggestions for alternatives:

        Series Pitch: I don't know how helpful it is at this level for a reader/agent to be given Sauron's name as a benchmark for levels of evil/being reviled, because we know nothing about him/her. So instead, how about this:

        Driven to unimaginable evil, universally reviled: this is [insert MC's name]'s story/journey into the depths of ____.

        It's still only about 15 words, so you've got wriggle room for a couple of helpful adjectives and additional snippets of detail if required.

        Book 1 Pitch: This may be just a personal preference thing, but I didn't like the succession of questions here. I am also unclear if "the outcast he despised" is in the running to succeed him (I'm assuming yes?), so I would like that to be clarified. How about this instead, then:

        The king has been murdered. Many are vying to succeed him. Where does this leave his outcast and reviled true heir? (21 words)

        0 0 0 0 0 0
        • Thanks Emmaloo.

          Sauron is an external cross-reference. Any reader of fantasy will know who's being referenced. The original idea came from books like LotR where there's a super-powerful, evil antagonist whose backstory is that they've always been so powerful and evil. It makes no sense. So, I set out to figure out how such an antagonist would come to be.

          The book pitch, unfortunately, doesn't work. A key element of the worldbuilding/story is that the Heir must be named. (It's a position for life; their own or whomever they will inherit from.) If they aren't named, there is no Heir; no automatic fallback. I'll have to look at it from a completely different angle to get something that works better.

          0 0 0 0 0 0