Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Jon, you've caught me in a conceit ... so thank you, but also ... $%%^&! (that is to myself, as now I have to dig myself out of a hole of my own making!)

    That bit in my pitch, the 'agrees to help an extra-terrestrial save the world, if it will reunite him with his long-lost mother.' is a bit of a con:

    The extra-terrestrial in the story asks Kofi (the schoolboy with autism and main character) for help, but Kofi is too scared - both of the task it wants him to do and of the extra-terrestrial itself. As a parting gift, it transports Kofi to Ghana to meet a woman who turns out to be his mother. Kofi is then chased through the streets of Accra by his mother's new family and his teleportation back home is caught on several mobile phone videocams. Kofi then begs the extra-terrestrial to send him back to see his mother, but when he is returned to Accra, international authorities have picked up on the videoes and have been alerted. Kofi sees his mother being taken away by US soldiers. When the extra terrestrial says that the uniforms worn by the soldiers are the same as the ones it saw on an installation it had tried to break into (to uncover the secrets it needs to find in order to save it's homeworld), then Kofi realises that he has to agree to help the extra-terrestrial in it's bid to save it's home and ultimately the world, because he has no chance of finding his mother again without it's help.

    So, in essence, the extra-terrestrial sends Kofi to meet his long-lost mum. Kofi then loses her. Kofi knows that, in order to ever see her again, he has to help the extra-terrestrial save two worlds.

    I found that hard to put into twenty words, so I fudged it a little. What you've said makes perfect sense, but it just makes my job of trying to be honest twice as difficult! 😂. I'll have to think about it, Jon. Feel free, though, to have a go, because it kind of nips my brain a little!

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    • What a fab plot! Love it. And I absolutely understand the difficulty of compressing the core of such a story into the dreaded <20 words format. Mainly because I have a similar struggle myself! 😁 

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      • Thanks for telling us more about the story. As a reader, I'd be willing to give that book a try.

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