Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Hi Rick,

    They're both certainly short and punchy enough, but I will offer some suggestions for alternatives:

    Series Pitch: I don't know how helpful it is at this level for a reader/agent to be given Sauron's name as a benchmark for levels of evil/being reviled, because we know nothing about him/her. So instead, how about this:

    Driven to unimaginable evil, universally reviled: this is [insert MC's name]'s story/journey into the depths of ____.

    It's still only about 15 words, so you've got wriggle room for a couple of helpful adjectives and additional snippets of detail if required.

    Book 1 Pitch: This may be just a personal preference thing, but I didn't like the succession of questions here. I am also unclear if "the outcast he despised" is in the running to succeed him (I'm assuming yes?), so I would like that to be clarified. How about this instead, then:

    The king has been murdered. Many are vying to succeed him. Where does this leave his outcast and reviled true heir? (21 words)

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    • Thanks Emmaloo.

      Sauron is an external cross-reference. Any reader of fantasy will know who's being referenced. The original idea came from books like LotR where there's a super-powerful, evil antagonist whose backstory is that they've always been so powerful and evil. It makes no sense. So, I set out to figure out how such an antagonist would come to be.

      The book pitch, unfortunately, doesn't work. A key element of the worldbuilding/story is that the Heir must be named. (It's a position for life; their own or whomever they will inherit from.) If they aren't named, there is no Heir; no automatic fallback. I'll have to look at it from a completely different angle to get something that works better.

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