Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • What Jon says.

    I think I had to read your original version three times before I could get my head around it. (So let's add a word of advice: Short sentences. Or at least no sentences that run on and on ad nauseum without so much as a comma to give breath for a subordinate clause.)

    That said, the one tweak I would make to Jon's suggestion is: … confront an insane holy man who intends to deliver more than a few Earthly souls. (Thereby playing on the meaning of deliver.)

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