Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Hi Neil,

    The phrase "outrageous antics" implies to me it's a comedy. If it isn't, you might need to rethink these 2 words.

    Secondly, "a young man" is a pretty bland and generic phrase to use to describe who I assume is your MC. Can you alter it to give readers something more specific to latch on to? (This could be his name, or his occupation, or his most endearing/defining quality). You would be able to say loads more about the story and its plot arc if you get the phrase just right, eg:

    The outrageous antics of a self-absorbed aspiring cabaret artiste living in a house full of ghosts.


    The outrageous antics of Boris, a bumbling loner who can't find anyone else to love him and do his laundry since his mum died, living in a house full of ghosts. 

    (You get the idea...!)

    Thirdly, I'm unsure about the choice of "ghosties" over the more standard "ghosts". "Ghosties" sounds a bit childlike, but again, that may be your intention. My attention was certainly drawn to your choice of word, and its use intrigued me.

    Hope some of this helps!

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    • Thanks for your input Emmaloo. Trying how best to describe myself as a 19-24 year old will be very tricky, the list of possibilities is endless! As for the ghostie aspect, I will probably post a little something on my home page sometime soon regarding this, and yes, it will be light hearted.

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