Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Hi Kavisha,

    I think it is a bit too vague at the moment, yes, for the following reasons:

    1. I can't figure out who the MC(s) is/are... is it the 2 women or the male/female doctor? - and so I don't know whose story this is.

    2. Genre/tone: I can't tell if this is going to be a comedy, a romance, or what. Telling us that the 2 women "encounter" the 3rd character does not offer enough insight into the type of story it is.

    3. Context: is this a contemporary story? And where is it set? (The location may not be especially significant, but if it is, it would be good for it to be mentioned in the pitch).

    Some other observations I'd offer are:

    - Describing the two females as "driven" but with "debilitating PMS", and suggesting they'll be 'saved/fixed' somehow by a doctor (a male one, by any chance?) unfortunately smacks a little of patronising sexist stereotyping to me, sorry. This may not be the nature of your story at all, but the wording here is creating that impression for me. Plus, if the biggest obstacle they're currently facing in their lives is their PMS, it doesn't sound like it's going to be a powerful plot arc as they overcome it.

    Obviously, I know far too little about the whole story, but here's an example pitch (based on my making lots of fill-the-gap assumptions about it!!):

    Dr X has a passion for saving people - whether they want it or not. But meeting ____ will force him to recognise it's himself who needs saving most of all. (30 words)


    Hope some of this helps! 

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