Comment to 'What's the elevator pitch for your WIP?'
  • Hi emmaloo, thank you for putting so much thought into this!

    Your comments have made me realise that in trying to include so many aspects of the story I'm actually conveying very little. Especially as you thought it gave off a sexist vibe, as this is almost exactly the opposite tone of the book I hope to achieve. 

    A little context: 

    The two MC's are the women (aged 23 and 48), both of whom have a tendency to overstretch themselves to help others as it distracts them from their own 'problems'. 

    They meet a doctor with a much greater saviour complex - he has developed a drug that re-creates a near-death experience and believes it will give people the revelations they desperately need to better their lives. Both women (separately) jump at the opportunity to use it on their loved ones. This creates all sorts of trouble as it turns out he isn't as altruistic as he seems, nor the drug as effective as he makes out. They eventually work together to clean up the mess it makes and expose his work. Through this, they realise that they had not been so different themselves. 

    (The PMS isn't really plot-related but something which is important to me and was the seed which gave me the whole idea in the first place - but perhaps I don't need to shoehorn it into the elevator pitch!)

    I'll have a go at a more 'plotty' elevator pitch, but thank you again!!

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    • Oh wow, your story sounds REALLY good!

      Okay, with this new info, here's my 2nd stab if it helps (it's a bit long, though, at 31 words):

      Two very different women wish their families would appreciate them more. A new drug promises to trigger this appreciation, but the doctor who created it is not the saviour he seems.

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      • Ah amazing, I can definitely work with this! Thank you so much :) 

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