Thank you for your comments, Kate. Of course, showing rather than telling isn't always wrong and if I've done it too much it's probably because of a need to set the scene and avoid too much tedious narrative, which may be off-putting to the reader. Enlargement can come later - but I accept your comments and will have a look at that aspect again, including the links you have sent.
I had a look at Jojo Moyes's Me Before You first chapter after reading your extract. Worth a look if you've got it. It's a very good demonstration of voice popping straight off the page as well as the introduction of the players and the problem in a very active way.