Hi Rachel, first of all well done on getting this far! And your novel sounds really intriguing. As I’ve never written a query letter before, I’m no where near there yet, I’m not sure I’m the best of help. It read quick and easy though, which I consider an asset as in this day and age nobody seems to take the time anymore for anything. If I could have anything to advise is that I would mention Kelly’s name directly in the first alinea; I got sort of confused with the assistant psychologist and then the mentioning of Kelly asking myself if they were one and the same person..
Triggered in a very good way, because of that simple world “filter” which presents a scary or exciting future (depends how you look at it:) and because to my opinion you write in a flow, so I read on. Years and years is a British series with Emma Thompson and deals with the immediate future. It had me glued to the screen and I bingewatched it three times :)) it might not be your thing though, that’s the lovely thing about taste, we are many!