L, this is incredibly detailed feedback, thank you. It means a lot that you, and others, are taking the time to critique to such a detailed level.
I will take on board everything you have said and look at reworking this. I've struggled to make the short synopsis exciting, so the suggestion of looking at other blurbs is brilliant. I have several such books on my shelves at the moment, so it shouldn't be too difficult to get a good list.
I wasn't sure about the comparative titles, so left them out. I will now look at adding them in.
Again, thank you so much, it's greatly appreciated.