Comment to 'Taking the Plunge'
  • Hi Rachel

    I'm a newbie too! Congratulations on crafting your query letter and synopsis. As others have already commented on the query, I have taken a look at your synopsis (devilish things that they are) and have made a few edits which you may or my not agree with. I am working on my own query letter and synopsis, so reading through your thread has been very helpful. I too have a fear of upsetting people, so am often hesitant to post but it helps enormously with my own work. I think you've done a great job at explaining a 'magical plot', my suggestions are simply to tighten it overall so that you can add more detail where required.


    KELLY is an assistant psychologist working in a locked mental health hospital. (Edited details to gain word count - maybe include her age?) After several small items (maybe give tiny details on the items) go missing, Kelly expects to find them down the back of the sofa. 

    She does not expect to end up in the middle of a Hawthorne thicket with three imps, discovering that magic is real. (How does she get to the thicket? Also, is this where the reality filter needs to be explained?)

    Kelly begins to doubt her sanity and realises that responding to things that others cannot see or hear is why several of her patients have been sectioned. (Could this be moved up/combined with second para?)

    Kelly keeps her discovery from (boyfriend/husband) Rob, her best friend TIFF, and her boss, psychiatrist Dr ATCHISON. She must not act strangely around them, only speaking to the imps when she is alone.

    Kelly’s patient GEOFF, discloses that he has been plagued by a Shadowy being, who the magical imps realise is an ancient and dangerous foe. The shadow accompanies him everywhere, yet now it hides when Kelly is around. Geoff has a major review of his section order approaching, the Shadow could jeopardise not just his release, but also his life. (as it becomes more and more dangerous - what is the shadow doing?)

    With the help of the imps and the Queen of the Magical Realm (brief explanation), Kelly confronts the Shadow and offers a trade: herself for Geoff. The Shadow accepts, and Kelly struggles with intrusive thoughts, feelings of doubt, and her own self-worth. Kelly realises that, whilst the Shadow is unable to kill her directly, the spectre is pushing her towards suicide. Her rapid deterioration is noticed by those closest to her; Dr Atchison tells her take some time out, whilst Rob and Tiff stage an intervention at home.

    Kelly discovers her inner strength and that the Shadow is not all powerful. She defeats the Shadow, and earns the respect and gratitude of the Queen. (How does she do this amazing thing, where does the showdown take place?)

    Without the presence of the Shadow, Geoff flourishes and wins his review and his freedom. Kelly enjoys a return to slightly more sensible times, although she knows that her life will never be boring again. (with Rob or not?)

    Good luck with the revisions! It's by no means easy.



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    • Hi Alison,

      Thank you for reading through this all, and for taking the time to give such detailed feedback. I'm just about to start editing the synopsis, so this is perfect timing. Your comments are really valid, and having read back through it I can see that there are a good few gaps which need to be filled. Thank you for the edits and comments :)

      Query letters and synopsis writing are bloody tough, aren't they? Hope you're getting on OK with yours. I'm glad the comments on here have helped you, too. 

      Thanks again,


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