Comment to 'A new query for feedback'
  • Hey!

    I like your query, but watch out for spelling and grammatical errors (eg. your first sentence about the cloud needs a full stop not a comma, and it's 'fear doesn't exist', not don't). One thing is with the extract I was left with some questions which I think more specificity could clarify (what is it about his appearance people fear? How does he find out he has this power?) 

    I think your last paragraph about belonging to Jericho could be tidied up too. How has it specifically helped you? (I'm sure it has just need to clarify)

    Good luck!

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