Comment to 'A new query for feedback'
  • I like the sound of it but I think for a query letter you need to be more succinct.   After the opening sentence you need something akin to the elevator pitch of no more than a sentence or two that sums up what the book is about.  Then a paragraph on the basic plot and then the biography paragraph.  You only need about 3-400 words so, for example, you don't need to say that the skycom inhabitants fear him because they've already said he's a monster. I must say it sounds fascinating so I hope you find your agent!

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    • Thanks for the feedback.  You know, I've tried the succinct and I've gotten much of what the first poster wanted.  MORE DETAILS!!!!   :)

      I decided to put a little more in because the elevator pitch (Troubled teen fights prejudice and self-loathing to explore a ruined world and his own unique supernatural powers) seemed too... lacking in details.  I could condense it back down again.  I'm not sure.  That's why I'm here!  To work out all the kinks before I commit to sending it to agents.

      And I thought writing a 117,000 word story was hard...

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