Hi Yvonne congratulations. The start reads very much like "writing" I'd use something like this to be punchier, save words and draw attention to the big points. I'm no expert. Others will say it better.
In San Diego, a brutal shark attack on Australian Pro Surfer JOSH BRENNER interrupts the morning run for DR. MIA DE LA CRUZ, a young trauma surgeon. She administers lifesaving procedures until he can be transported to the nearest hospital where she works. The attack shatters his career.