Hi Harry, this is an Extract from ‘Answers to Absolutely Every Question’.
George, having accidentally killed his love rival Ray, dies in an RTA. He arrives in the afterlife and, during his reception interview, discovers that Ray is there too and is looking for him.
When they first told me I was dead, I was frightened and then bloody angry because this had to be a really sick joke. But sitting in the waiting room for over an hour, I had time to think about what’s happened to me. Being dead, but not being dead, being somewhere else instead. Then there was the sudden realisation that someone else has taken control and I didn’t have to make any more decisions. Well, after the shit I’ve been through lately, it was actually a bit of a relief.
And now? The shit has just followed me here. And the thing is, the man who killed Ray – that wasn’t the real me; I’m not violent, I’m laid-back, polite, I open doors for people and give up my seat on the bus for old ladies. I’m an inside lane sort of bloke. But on that one night three weeks ago, I had a flash of uncontrollable anger and here I am, most likely facing hell and damnation, or at least being beaten to a pulp by Ray the butcher.
The old man can see I’m frightened and he looks pretty pleased with himself. He doesn’t wait for me to say anything but picks up the phone and says, “You can come in now, Arnold.”
Arnold must have been in the next room because he appears within seconds; a tall bloke dressed in an old-fashioned sort of suit, like they used to wear in black and white films.