Comment to 'Hi everyone. I'm new to the group today, though I've been with J...'
  • Hi Alex - thanks for posting your story. I enjoyed reading it. I think you have some lovely characterisation in there- favourite bit was probably Dick and counting your fingers.

    I have to agree with Jimmy's comments. Once we got into the diesel in the Jaguar, my mind started to wander and I felt there was a too much detail in the scamming. I would suggest thinking about cutting this back a little to make sure you don't lose the readers attention.

    I'm also not convinced you need Paul. Every word should count in a short story, and for me he didn't really have a place in the story. I think you could take him out and with a little tweaking not miss him at all.

    I hope some of that is helpful, but these are just my thoughts and opinions, so take what feels right to you and discard the rest.

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    • Thanks for your thoughts, Kate. I was worried that Dick and the fingers was a bit of a cliche. I agree that Paul is somewhat redundant, but then he is also very minor, either way. I take your point on the scamming. i appreciate your feedback.

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