Comment to 'Hi guys, please can you give me feed back on the following. Some...'
  • This could be a really intriguing piece of writing, but it's badly marred by constant changes of tense. I couldn't read it all the way through because of these, they were pulling me out of the story so badly. You need to make up your mind whether you are writing in the present tense - here and now - or the past tense - he said, I did. Also, please add apostrophes where needed, eg Gram's head, and the thing in a desk that you keep stuff in is a drawer! I'd love to read this again when you've made these changes.

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