If I'm 'hearing' what you're saying correctly, you're frustrated at the friction between what you WANT to do (creatively speaking), and what you feel OBLIGED to do.... yes?
You seem to feel a powerful desire to use language creatively and unconventionally, yet are mindful there is a "... deep censorship on writing, and a deep connection with grammatic device." You sound like you loathe formulaic constraints, but are aware they cannot be completely disregarded.
My thoughts, for what they're worth, are tied in to my own beliefs about everyone having a 'purpose' and being created unique for a very good reason: if your writing is unlike anyone else's, then your prospective readers and future fans are out there somewhere saying, "Thank god for this guy!" and (im)patiently waiting in the wings for you to put your fabulousness out there into the world soon so that they can find you 😉
Finding that workable balance (between giving free rein to your creativity and yet staying 'accessible' for a big enough readership for your work not to "burn") will probably be a process of trial and error.
Be brave enough to be different. "No one ever changed the world by trying to be like it."