This is a delicate thing I have to say. i do mean it with the best intentions for everyone involved.
Please, do not jump on the self-pub bandwagon simply because your writing is not yet to a quality that will get picked up by an agent/publisher.
Now, to explain why I say that. (And this applies to everyone. You just happen to have been forthcoming and open enough to put something out there thinking it was ready when it's not. I applaud you for that.)
Yes, there are people who make it big with self-pub. By and large, those same books would have been picked up by publishers and had equal success, had they landed with an agent with whom they resonated.
But, the majority of self-published material simply languishes. I've heard one stat I suspect is too low: that 50% of all the self-pub books on Amazon have not had even one sale. Ever.
This is supported by another pair of statistics: a) that there are more self/indie-pub authors making the big bucks than trad-pub - an evolving trend in favour of self-pub, and b) the average/mean income from self-pub is on a downward trend (I believe 30% in the last 10 years). Taken together, this says that the market is being flooded by crap that goes nowhere.
Do you really want to add to that slush?
So, could you get an editor to work on this for you? In theory, yes. But consider that my own comments on your first page, which only covered two aspects, ran to twice the length of said page. I could have picked other bits apart further. I don't know how much time you put into your book, but for a third party to fix it would take a comparable time. Or more. It would, then, be more their work than yours. Without up-front payment, no one will take on such a project.
Whatever you deliver to an agent/publisher needs to be solid, tight, and polished. They will varnish it. And the same goes for what you deliver to an editor if you go the self-pub route.
On the flip side… everything those of us who have given feedback have said can be learned.
I started writing more than 30 years ago. But I only began to study the craft of writing maybe 8 years ago. (Oh, the wasted years!) And much of what I pointed out in my own feedback, I have learned within the last six months.
Yes, it is hard to see what's in one's own writing. There's a personal investment. We know what we intend, and the words seem to describe what we imagine. But… well, there's a reason people claim a picture is worth a thousand words: it's that the words aren't well-chosen. A single word, appropriately chosen, can be worth a thousand pictures.
You are at a crossroads with your writing here.
Do you want to continue writing, or is this a one-off project? I'll assume you want to continue in one form or another.
The second question is then this: do you want to improve your craft? This isn't even about whether you want it to be publication-worthy; publication need not be your intention. I'm sure you know several people who play the piano, or some other instrument, but no one expects that their focus is to make a living playing on stage. Why should every writer intend to be published?
Again, I will assume you do want to improve your craft.
So, the important question: do you want to rework this current opus, or start on something new? Given the prior two assumptions, those are your only options. (From experience, I'll tell you that starting something new is going to be easier. You can always come back to this tale when you've learned more. Of course, by then, you may feel it's beyond redemption.)
Personally, I had written three and one-third novels (epic fantasy, so think 150k words each) and a personal development book before I got my first thing published… and that happened to be a business-technical book on content management systems. Go figure. Since then, I've written four more novels, a memoir and an outline that's a third the length of the intended book, plus my current work in progress. None of it yet published.
I'm still learning. Thirty-some years and over a million words in, I'm still learning.
And, you guessed it, I can still make those same mistakes. I can still be blind to them in my own writing.
It's a process. I do intend to get published. I intend what I send to an agent and then sell to a publisher to be tight enough - in structure and prose - to require minimal editing. I'm a perfectionist. So, if I have to go another million words before that happens, so be it. (Good thing I've got a long enough backlog of solid ideas to work with.)
What I will say is this: don't give up. Keep writing. Decide what you are writing for and invest in your craft accordingly.