I think this works much better than your original. But there are others on here much more familiar with the exact requirements of a formal query, which is something I've never officially done (the few stories I've had published in the past were sent on spec in a rather naive way and I guess struck lucky!).
Some thoughts that occurred to me as I was reading it, from a reader point of view.
The Cloud rules this world just as surely as it destroyed the old one.
I wonder if 'the new world' might be clearer and a stronger mirror of 'the old one'?
The survivors are separated into two classes: those touched by the Cloud and the mundane who have been lucky thus far.
How have they been lucky? I kind of needed to know the effects of the cloud to get context for the 'luck'.
To the mundane village of Skykom, Micah is a monster. He wants to
belief believe differently but its hard to do when you don’t look like everyone else.
'it's hard to do' is a bit vague and weak. Can you find something that expresses Micah's shame and distress at his 'monstrousness' more vividly?
Micah is touched, bearer of the physical deformities caused by contact with the Cloud.
Aha! That's what I needed to know earlier! 😃
It is these marks the villagers see. The marks are a constant reminder of their fear of the Cloud and that Micah exists outside the natural order of humanity. Micah has heard it from others for so long, he’s begun to believe it himself.
Don't think you need the first sentence; it's implicit.
But, if they hate him for being touched, how
would will they react knowing if they discover he is the only male in history to ever carry the Blessing? These mental abilities occur in only the rarest of touched women. Men? Never.
A bit clearer that they don't know yet, maybe? I think I need a bit more specificity about the 'blessings' other than that they're 'mental abilities'.
Micah hides his Blessing, refusing to explore his unique abilities. He stands far enough outside humanity as it is.
When Micah alone sees a dragon, he rushes to find it. Maybe they’ll realize he’s more like them if he can show them a monster that truly stands apart from humanity. But instead of a
jet dragon, he finds a crashed jet from ancient times and the mysterious foreigner who piloted it. Though their meeting is brief, the pilot reenergizes Micah’s childhood dreams of solving the mystery of the ancients and stopping the Cloud.
A lot of new information to unpick here! I think we need to know that the sighting of a 'dragon' is a very rare event. Maybe more detail about the circumstances of its sighting? 'They'll'? 'The villagers' would more clearly refer back to the earlier paragraphs. Micah wouldn't know that it was a 'jet', would he, having grown up in a society that thinks of such things as 'dragons'? Or have the concept of a 'pilot'? So far we've seen his world through his eyes; suddenly we're being told things that you know, but he wouldn't. Or if, he does know about jets and pilots, we need to understand how. How does the meeting with the pilot re-energise Micah's childhood dreams? What does the meeting do to Micah emotionally to start him on his journey (assuming the meeting is the 'inciting moment'?
But the world outside proves no better than Skykom. Micah meets the Norads, a society of touched using technology to conquer and enslave based on a doctrine of superiority. When Micah’s Blessing catches their eye, he will discover the true
mean meaning of the word monster.
We need a bridge to the sudden mention of the 'outside world, I think. What decision or events takes Micah away from the village and 'into the woods'? Micah 'meets' the Norads is a bit weak - how does he meet them?
The Cloud, a Science Fiction novel of 103,000 words, follows Micah’s struggles against prejudice and oppression, exploring topics
of great issue very relevant today in a dystopian world of tomorrow. This is my first novel.
I suspect one of the more experienced authors will again prompt you to provide a couple of comp titles! Hope this helps. Feel free to ignore any or all of the above! 😃