I'm no expert at this kind of feedback, so please forgive me if I'm not actually helping, but here goes.
I've used both the pitch above and your original pitch in another post to provide this feedback.
Reading what you've written, I don't know what your novel is about and why it should matter to me to read it. I want an elevator pitch, or a back of the book blurb to draw me in, pique my interest. So, not having read your book, but having read your two pitches, I wonder if there is something of this in the mix?
"Two things are important to Jane - a search for her father, and a desperate need to hold onto her fragile mental health. Obsession, betrayal and narcissism, along with her lover's drug addiction, are obstacles she must overcome in her modern day quest, and they threaten her self-respect and sanity in her hunt for the man who abandoned her."
Does that help to suggest an alternative approach to the same words you are using? And does it help to elevate your pitch?