This is such a tricky thing to get right (as you can see) and after spending so long writing and honing a manuscript to have it fall down in front of an agent due to some technicalities is a shame.
I only read the query letter because that's what an agent will do. They won't touch the synopsis unless the query letter pulls them in.
The first line of the query letter
I am writing to seek representation for my first novel, Joe with an E, a speculative adventure of 104,000 words set in a dystopian future Britain.
I’m not sure what a speculative adventure is, and there are conventions for setting out the genre and word count in the email so you probably wouldn’t need to put it in the query letter.
The seed of the idea coming from a TV programme I’m thinking is perhaps not a good thing to tell an agent. Quoting another person’s creation invites comparison and if the agent watched the TV drama and loved it chances are they will not look on your project favourably and if, like me, they have no idea what it is, then it is irrelevant.
Don’t reduce your creative credit by hinting that you’ve perhaps borrowed the idea. Yes, I know at times it is proper to say, I write in the style of XXX or YYY but that is giving the agent some stylistic clues rather than saying I didn’t come up with this idea I nicked it from a TV drama. This sounds harsh but I’m trying to say the agent doesn’t need to know where you came up with the idea when the whole transgender issue is such huge news. (Ethan the Supreme died 2 days ago), my daughter liked him, so it’s big news at the moment and has been for some time you can simply say this has been the catalyst (not Ethan but Transgender discussions.)
The bit about Joe and the Scottish Island is intriguing though living in Scotland I have to say there ain’t that many remote islands anymore and many of the people now living there are originally from the home counties! but I like this premise and this is where the major hook for the agent will be.
No need to mention in the query what POV is prevalent nor by whom. The whole paragraph about this and the different parallel narratives and the embryologist don’t need to be there either, they’ll discover this if they read it and it won’t make them any more interested in the book. As stated above by other’s no need to mention your target market either.
It’s an interesting premise and if you can focus on that in the query letter together with your writing credits, which an agent will find quite encouraging, then you’ve got a decent shot at representation.
Best of luck