Hi Victoria. I have always considered that a fine-grained mastery of whatever language one is writing in is required to even attempt something that would be considered literary. It is implicit in the name. And as your own suspicions point to an uncertainty about the language…
Thus, I am going to approach this from a bunch of other angles.
The first is an almost minor glitch, but one that ties to the English language, whether you are writing in English or in American, That is speech marks ("…"). You start by using English-style speech, but quickly slip into using the French equivalent («…»).
There are also quite a few instances (sorry, I didn't note them down) where the use - or lack - of articles showed up your non-native command of the language. Likewise a few turns of phrase that did not work in English. (This was countered by a couple of rather nice turns of phrase.)
However, there were two other things that really jumped out at me, making it hard going to read.
The first is specifically prominent in the opening scene. It's what I would describe as scattershot description. The sentences do not follow on from each other, instead jumping haphazzardly around the scene, trying to pick up details from every angle all at once. It induces the question: Where am I supposed to look?
The second comes only once you get into the history. That is an issue of age and awareness. The thoughts and awareness ascribed to your 5-year-old protagonist defy belief. Even more so in that they apparently maintained this overnight vigil the two previous years. I would have trouble believing a ten-year-old could maintain such thoughts. And this trent, this age-inappropriate awareness, continues through the rest of the sample.
That said, there is something there, a story worth telling. It just needs to be refined so that it conveys what such a young child would be conscious of, what their adult self would remember coherently. Of falsely.