Extract from Changelings.docx

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    • For me, this is very well written. It feels clean and professional. (There's not enough to judge the content, but I could see it being interesting and would stay with it longer.) It's also nice and pacy, and not trying to do too much at once. 

      I've got two suggested trims: I'm not keen on the sentence "She felt her heart constrict ... " since I've already worked out that she's concerned/upset. You could also lose the "we're helping him" as it's obvious. What's left would be very nice: "‘They shot one,’ said Allie shortly. ‘This one was trying to escape. . . . They’re only children.’" I really like your tail-off ... in there, not least since it's followed by a return of her speech, rather than being a pure tail-off.

      I also wasn't sure if we needed to know that Helena made some adjustments to the console, or at least at such length. If it's there to show that she's bored/distracted, why not shorten it? "Helena fiddled with the console." That way we're still "on" the conversation.

      Hope that helps!

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