KatieS

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Hi all.  I need help with my blurb this time.  I am finding this incredibly difficult.  Here it is;L…
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  •  · I always regard historic fiction, as similar to the steampunk world of Charles Dickens. He has the o…
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HiWould be really grateful for some feedback on the first 3k words of my novel "The Broken Seal".  I…
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  •  · So basically, the message I'm getting - whether people liked the prologue or not - is that I'm takin…
KatieS
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Hi all.  I need help with my blurb this time.  I am finding this incredibly difficult.  Here it is;

Loyalty, or truth.  Which path would you choose?

(Have also played with "A Broken Seal, A Broken Family" but that sounds like something out of an episode of Eastenders or something, with people screaming and throwing plates in the Queen Vic.  Gets the book title in there, though.  Or "A Broken Seal, a buried secret" but I'm not sure that's much better).

From the cloth warehouses of Ghent to the busy streets of medieval Winchester.  For fans of Susanna Kearsley and Pamela Hartshorne. (Can I say this?  Can I just go ahead and use other author names I think are in the same stable?  Or is that a little forward?)

It is 1361, (or just Ghent, 1361 FULL STOP) and merchant's apprentice Rafi Dubois, orphaned at the battle of Crecy, has a promise he must fulfil; to find the owner of a shattered family seal, given to him by a dying soldier fifteen years earlier.  He has one clue; the soldier came from Winchester.  

After a chance meeting with a wealthy merchant’s wife, Rafi is presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fulfil his promise to the soldier and he stows away on a ship bound for Southampton.  Upon arriving in Winchester he immediately finds himself imperilled by powerful enemies with competing motives, all of whom wish to obstruct him in his search. Unable to determine who is friend or foe, Rafi finally uncovers the truth about the seal, and in doing so, reveals a secret which will change his life forever. 

Ok, or meh?  I like the second last paragraph.  Not sure about the intro bit.

Thanks in advance as ever.

KatieS
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Hi

Would be really grateful for some feedback on the first 3k words of my novel "The Broken Seal".  It's an historical novel set in Winchester in 1361.  The protagonist is a young apprentice called Raphael whose life is turned upside down when he is forced to confront certain events of his past which took place just after the Battle of Crecy. Feedback I've had so far from a publisher was that it's well written and readable, but it loses momentum after the opening.  Other feedback was to perhaps move the prologue out completely and start with Raphael as he is now, so we can get to know him first, and THEN refer back to the events of the prologue.  I've been getting rejections for the past six months so am feeling pretty despondant :-(

Many thanks!

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