Hi again folks,
I have asked a lot of you, and this is the last request. Thanks for previous advice.
The below has toned down the comments which caused most debate originally. However, it still tells the agent what I think is the market, but not in her face. My intention is to send out 6 of this type of query letter, and 6 built on the Muchen example as via the link provided by L.
Some folk earlier mentioned the length of the first letter. This is near 100 words less, and is just over a page long when double spaced.That seems okay from my research.
The biography worries me as I have no special qualification which would endear me to an agent or qualify me to write the novel. Although, my entire life has been spent reading and loving Scottish and Greek history. I'm just a bloody nice bloke, but can't say that.
I would love specific examples of changes recommended if anybody has time to comment. Thanks again to you all, Rob.
Dear Ms. ,
(A few lines specific as to why I have written to this agent).
I seek representation for The Blue Pendant, an 80,000 word urban fantasy heavily influenced by myth and history.
This novel describes a mystery exposed on Scotland’s Culloden Battlefield centuries past—with present day Washington, D.C. and Scotland as the major settings. The plot’s essential purpose is to keep the reader’s feet solidly earthbound amidst its metaphysical aspects. It doesn’t rely on beings such monsters, aliens, or dragons as with many fantasy novels. Instead, it focuses on the horror and fear we readily see in everyday life. It plays on common knowledge of Greek and Norse mythology that many grasp due to modern renditions in comics, books, films, etc. Four of my major characters, including the protagonist, Angus MacDonald, are between the ages of 18 and 26. I hope this work will appeal to readers graduating from YA, and indeed to other ages as well.
My protagonist relates to people, is caring and calm, but he has no problems acting the part of a ruthless bastard when supernatural danger threatens via Hades attempting the enslavement of humankind. He uses the great power of a blue pendant created by Zeus, and gifted to him. Lost on the battlefield when its previous owner was killed, the magical pendant finds him as he visits Culloden. The vast majority of my story is the protagonist’s present day fight against ancient powers, and the frightful cost paid by my heroes in defending humanity. Conflicts take place in Washington and out on the Great Plains of Montana.
Readers who enjoy ......, ........., ,....... would find this an easy but absorbing read–about tales that never left them as they aged–of heroes still in their blood. Jamie Fraser from Outlander typifies my protagonist; his warrior life also affected by mystic forces.
I am a senior, and what has inspired and driven me to write this tale of hope is that I’ve never lost my love of a hero. Since I was old enough to read, the tales and feats of fictitious Achilles and Heracles to historical Rob Roy MacGregor and Robert the Bruce have always stayed with me. I know them intimately.