Hi Will, Hope this is still relevant.
WHEN Will finds out, after the death of his father in Denmark, that he will only inherit his cottage if he meets certain conditions, he MUST travel there and carry on his undisclosed 'work' for three years.
It’s a good story idea, conditional inheritance and mystery work. But a cottage sounds tame, give him some much higher stakes to work for, like maybe a million dollars? Gold bullion? I’m very interested in what the undisclosed ‘work’ that will take three whole years is! Don’t disappoint me…
The second one:
WHEN Liva discovers from a therapist, that she is suffering from serious mental scars caused by her father leaving when she was six years old, she MUST find him and find out why he left.
I’m less impressed here. The story idea is also good, uncovering buried childhood secrets, father/daughter relationships etc., but why does she need a therapist to discover her own suffering? Makes her sound brainless…! Six years old is big enough and self-aware enough to recognise that she has a problem. Not sure I like the detective element: why must she find him? You’ve got to give good reasons for this. But finding out why he left could be a big enough mystery to make me read on.