Susan Atkins

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Crime Writer

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Susan Atkins Discussions
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Hi,I have taken on board all of the really constructive comments from my first posting.I would be re…
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  •  · Hi Amy,Thank you for your feedback, you have made some very valid points. I'm working on my 3rd atte…
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Hi,I'm fairly new and haven't posted anything before. I have just been having a look around and a re…
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  •  · Hi Janine,It was actually your posting asking for critique that gave me the confidence to post my sy…
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Hi, I'm fairly new and still finding my way around. Can anyone tell me how I add a picture to the li…
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  •  · Try going to your profile and click on the circle. On mine ‘change picture’ comes up.

Welcome Ellen.

I'm fairly new here too and I'm enjoying looking around, there's a wealth of information here.

Well done with your book.

Sue

Hi Amy,

Thank you for your feedback, you have made some very valid points. I'm working on my 3rd attempt at the moment and will post it in the next week or so. All of this feedback has been very helpful.

Thank Sue

Hi all,

I have booked this too. What happens next do I get a link on the day? I lost the page once I signed up!

Hi L,

Thank you I get what you are saying. I just need to really get my head around writing a synopsis. I think my novel is solid, I have had some good reviews. I will continue to work on the synopsis and re post my 3rd attempt soon.

Thanks again you have all been very helpful

Sue



Hi L,

Thank you for your comments they are really helpful.  I will go back over the synopsis and add more about the investigation. I can see now that I haven't explained it very well at all.

We know Mark Lloyd is a serial killer from the get-go. This is not a whodunnit. He has never killed on home turf before, so that is a big error on his part, especially as Alice brings so much investigative experience to the relatively quiet sheriffs office. Lloyd complains to his powerful cronies including the mayor about Alice questioning him. His hostile actions raise a series of red flags for Alice so she delves into him and along with her team starts to join some disturbing dots. As Lloyd becomes aware of what she is doing and where it's heading he starts to unravel.

I shall go back to the drawing board with the synopsis and post again when I have re-worked it.

Thanks again this is very helpful

Sue



Added a forum 

Hi,

I have taken on board all of the really constructive comments from my first posting.

I would be really grateful to know what you think about my 2nd attempt.

Thanks again, this process has been really helpful.

Sue

Synopsis “Killer on the Conch”

 

Alice Delaney hands in her warrant card at the London police station. She’s ready to join the Monroe County Sheriff’s office in the Florida Keys, her birthplace. She hopes it will work out as she’ll be an outsider. She also won’t have Steve, her oldest friend, sometime lover, and colleague by her side anymore. Alice is enjoying the slower pace of the Keys until she’s called to investigate the rape and murder of a young mother, Marcia Jones. The brutality shocks the neighbourhood. Marcia is nearly decapitated, and her five-year-old son Samuel witnessed it all while hiding in the closet. The violence of the rape threatens to unravel Alice’s unresolved, buried trauma stemming from her own ordeal of being drugged and raped years before.

Well-connected family man Mark Lloyd studies all the police activity from his motorbike. His salacious appetite for murder is temporarily quelled. Lloyd is omitted from the witness list, so Alice decides to go and interview him herself. Jeff Gaits a local FBI agent asks Alice if he can go with her. Jeff is investigating a separate drug case which involves Lloyd’s son. No one suspects Mark Lloyd, who is lauded around town for doting on his sick wife. However, Alice feels uneasy about Lloyd, so she decides to take a closer look at him, but Lloyd is onto her.

Lloyd watches Alice at home from his boat.  Nancy, the deputy tasked with caring for Samuel, is staying with the boy at Alice’s for the weekend. Lloyd hatches a plan to kidnap and kill Nancy and Alice fantasising about making Alice watch while he kills Nancy. He waits for the opportune moment, enters Alice’s house, and spikes her wine. Alice knows that her main attacker is in America. She religiously leaves tiny bits of paper at all the access points in her house including her fridge. Realising immediately that someone has been in her house. She checks her opened bottle of wine with the date rape detector kit which has been her constant companion for years. Samuel is collected by his grandmother, so Nancy returns home, but she doesn’t turn up for work. Alice finds traces of a date rape drug in a glass at Nancy’s house too. Lloyd has Nancy chained up. He brutalises Nancy, films it, and sends it to Alice getting pleasure from the horror she must be experiencing watching the film. After having his location uncovered, Lloyd makes his last stand, holding Nancy hostage at Alice’s house. Alice remembers a crawl space which leads into her house. Lloyd is momentarily taken aback as he sees Alice with her gun pointed at him; he tightens his grip as he has Nancy’s neck taped to a shotgun with his finger on the trigger. Alice shoots him through the wrist disabling his hand. Shocked, he puts his other hand up in what appears to be surrender. Taking no chances Alice shoots him in the head, killing him instantly. 


Hi Janine,

It was actually your posting asking for critique that gave me the confidence to post my synopsis. I have read some of your feedback and was greatly encouraged. When I get a minute I will go back and read it all and take onboard some of the suggestions before I'm brave enough to put my 2nd attempt up!

Good luck with it all

Sue

Congratulations Jane, this must be a great confidence booster. Well done!

Thank you so much L for you detailed feedback. I will be giving this my full attention later this week and take on board all of the helpful comments.

I will post my second attempt as soon as I have done it.

Thanks again everybody your input has been very helpful.

Sue

Thanks Matt,

I will go back and give it a bit more thought. Totally agree with the last paragraph. Do you think I should try and re-work it or just end the synopsis with Alice killing Lloyd? The book actually ends with the Sheriff getting the Mayor the sack and Jeff taking Alice on a date. Really appreciate your thoughts

Cheers Sue

Added a forum 

Hi,

I'm fairly new and haven't posted anything before. I have just been having a look around and a read. what a great place!

I have written a crime thriller set in the beautiful Florida Keys. I would be really grateful for any feedback on my synopsis. I haven't written one before and I'm not sure if I'm on the right track. It's very difficult to put it all in such a few words. I have used the JW template for ideas.

Thank you so much

Sue

Alice Delaney hands in her warrant card at the London police station. She’s ready to join the Monroe County Sheriff’s office in the Florida Keys, her birthplace. She hopes it will work out as she’ll be an outsider. She also won’t have Steve, her oldest friend, sometime lover, and colleague by her side anymore. Alice is enjoying the slower pace of the Keys until she’s called to investigate the rape and murder of a young mother, Marcia Jones. The brutality shocks the neighbourhood. Marcia is nearly decapitated. What’s worse is that Marcia’s five-year-old son witnessed it all while hiding in the closet. The violence of the rape threatens to unravel Alice’s unresolved, buried trauma stemming from her own rape years before.

Well-connected family man Mark Lloyd studies all the police activity from his motorbike. Lloyd is omitted from the witness list, so Alice decides to go and interview him herself. Jeff Gaits a local FBI agent asks Alice if he can go with her. Jeff is investigating a separate drug case which involves Lloyd’s son. No one suspects Mark Lloyd, who is lauded around town for doting on his sick wife. However, Alice feels uneasy about Lloyd, so she decides to take a closer look at him, but Lloyd is onto her.

Lloyd watches Alice at home from his boat. Nancy, the deputy tasked with guarding Marica’s orphaned son, is staying with Alice. Lloyd hatches a plan. He waits for the opportune moment, enters Alice’s house and spikes her wine. Thankfully, Alice’s paranoia from her past ordeal saves her. Jeff has a revealing conversation about Alice’s past with Steve on the telephone, and Steve books the next flight to Florida. Nancy is missing and Alice finds traces of a date rape drug in a glass at Nancy’s house. Lloyd has Nancy chained up. He brutalises Nancy, films it, and sends it to Alice. After having his location uncovered, Lloyd makes his last stand, holding Nancy hostage at Alice’s house. Alice remembers a crawl space which leads into her house. Lloyd smirks as he sees Alice with her gun pointed at him; he has Nancy’s neck taped to a shotgun with his finger on the trigger. Alice shoots him through the wrist disabling his hand. Shocked, he puts his other hand up in surrender. Too late. Alice shoots him in the head, killing him instantly. 

The Mayor, a close associate of Lloyd’s, wants Alice’s badge, but the Sheriff has other ideas. He leaks compromising pictures of the Mayor with the Lloyds to the press. Jeff nervously drives to pick Alice up for a date. He is still confused about Alice and Steve’s relationship. Steve hooked up with another woman, taking comfort in the knowledge that Alice is in safe hands. Jeff hoped she’ll tell him about her friendship with Steve in time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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