Mir Flower

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Hi I'm Mir. I'm 55 and live in Leicestershire in England. I have three grown up children and my day job is in aerospace engineering. I used to be a prolific writer and I did enjoy some minor successes, but I took a very long break. I started writing again a couple of years ago, and I've now finished another full length fantasy manuscript. I thought it was about done, but after going through the JW video courses I realised how much improvement it needs so I'm in hardcore edit mode.

I've had a lot of very peculiar experiences in my life so I'm also writing my memoir  and sharing it as a blog at www.mir-flower.com.

I'm a friendly, sociable person but I work long hours at my salary-paying job and I don't get a lot of spare time, so please forgive me if I miss things or take a long time to get back to you!

Mir Flower Discussions
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Hello :)I've been working on a fantasy novel for a while. The manuscript is more or less finished at…
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  •  · There's very little I can add in terms of criticism to what's already been said - I thoroughly enjoy…
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Hello everyone! I'm a very happy, friendly soul and I'm very confident in my day-job and life in gen…
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  •  · Hi Mir, Thanks for introducing yourself. Your experience is similar to mine - although I have never …

hi Alex,  I read both your documents this week. I'm still learning writing techniques myself and I'm not yet confident on giving detailed feedback, but I wanted to share my personal opinion:

I think you have quite a bit of work to do on the basics, such as punctuation and sentence structure. I have to be honest and say I think you need to go through it again and again, and probably a few more times after that, adding detail, working on your sentence structure and making it come to life.

Hopefully there are others here that will be able to give you proper constructive feedback on specific issues. 

But... there's something about it... I did love it. You made me smile so much. I've read a lot great pieces on this forum in the last few days... but what stuck in my mind? Blobwoman! 

Please keep working on it, you have a great imagination :D

hi Steve, don't worry about being gruesome, I am not at all squeamish :). As it happens I've deliberately chosen a disc saw because of it's limitations as a murder weapon. Later in the chapter, and more explicitly later in the book, we find out that the scene can't possibly play out the way Faye thinks it does, and this is where the fantasy aspect of the book kicks in. 

Your feedback has given me some great specifics to add in - thank you :)

Thanks Edward. That is a very good point about Harry Potter and about Tolkein's work, although I would say that they are probably very special cases! 

Hi Georgina, I think everyone here would agree the reader is the most important person in our writing lives, so you are not 'just a reader' you are a VIP 😊.

Thank you very much for the feedback :)

hi Janet, thank you very much for your detailed feedback. It's very motivating! I can't wait to get back to the editing :). You raise some fantastic points - I hadn't thought about the out of place reference to snow and David's unlikely use of the term 'we'.  I'm definitely going to revisit the POV and the dialogue. 

hi Jon, thank you for the feedback. I'll check out the Youtube links. I see what you mean about the POV change. I'll have to put some thought into that. I've opted for third person because the story follows incidents that the MC isn't aware of until later, but I have tried to keep the writing in this opening chapter consistent with the MCs view of the world. 

I added the mini-prologue to prompt the reader that this is going to be something other than a story about a couple falling out - I didn't want the reader to be disappointed either way! 

Thank you all so much!! I really really appreciate all the great advice and feedback, including so many points that I hadn't noticed myself. I'm going to spend this evening reading through your replies and thinking hard about the finer details. It's been a while since I shared outside of my family and friends - I've found it remarkably liberating and motivating!

Added a forum 

Hello :)

I've been working on a fantasy novel for a while. The manuscript is more or less finished at ~175,000 words though it still needs some heavy editing. I've put a lot of effort into it, and I've pushed myself to keep at it. Lately I wonder if I'm deluding myself and ought to shelve this book and work on other ideas. The plot is quite complex and I'm struggling to adequately apply a lot of the advice given in the Jericho writers video courses. For example, my protagonist wants one particular outcome for the first few chapters, but then this changes when she finds out what is really going on. 

It's initially set in our 'normal' world, so I'm also concerned that fantasy readers will find the real-life aspects of it too mundane, and the readers that like realistic fiction will be put off by the fantasy. 

I don't think it's quite ready for a manuscript assessment. But I do need to make my mind up about which direction to go.  

I'd really be grateful for any feedback you can give me on these first couple of pages, on the standard of writing and on whether this apparently 'ordinary' opening would be off-putting for a fantasy reader.  

Mir xx

Thanks Rick, that's actually really helpful, I thought I was going a bit dippy! I'll stumble my way around and look forward to the eventual migration!

Added a comment to Titles 

hi Chele, I'm in edit-mode on my fantasy novel at the moment, and it's had about five different titles so far. The document currently says just 'Book' at the top of the page 😂. I'm finding it hard to pick a meaningful title that doesn't give anyway too much of the plot.  On the other hand, I'm a third of the way through my memoir and I settled on a title for that before I started writing it, and I can't see it changing unless someone offers me a lot of money for it 😁 

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