Jo Gatenby

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Jo Gatenby Discussions
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... I was writing for my grand-daughter for Christmas. I put this and the other one (TELL ME A STORY…
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  •  · Thanks guys! I'm still playing with some of the pics (my DH pointed out the zebra in the second last…
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Thought you guys might get a kick out of seeing this... I'm doing up a small book for our daughters …
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  •  · You're welcome, Jo! You sound like a busy lady. I always wonder how we ever find the time to actuall…
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Like I didn't have enough half-finished books on the go (!!), I woke up from a dream the other morni…
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Just got around to reading through some backed up e-newsletters, and came across the ZOMBIE test ...…
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  •  · It was actually a ProWritingAid article that suggested it... and I do run my stories through that, b…
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Does anyone else do this? So, for example, I write:A red brick building with the prison-like appeara…
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  •  · I learn about them at one of the Words Away workshop with Andrew Wille. There might be some informat…
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I recently found a box of my writing while cleaning out our storeroom, and some of it is so old I do…
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  •  · Hmmm, I thought that was explained when they thanked the teacher for calling them, 😁 But things like…

Interesting... does the ghost ever speak when other people can't hear it/him/her, but the protagonist can? You might want to use the same convention I am for the mind-to-mind communication, and put the ghost's conversation in bracketed italics... just to differentiate it from regular conversation...

Wow, that sounds way more complicated than what I'm doing! Good luck!

I was picturing it more like a freeze-frame slow-mo in a film, that frozen moment when all the sound disappears; then a flash of light, a streak of blood... in a movie there would likely be a flash of the horse's head rearing back - being a book, smell can be added (would smell-o-vision be cool, or gross?), then wham, movement, sound, back into motion...

You always have such interesting insights, you make me think beyond "this is what happened", lol... This actually is the first time that he's really used his power (on purpose). He spent part of the book thinking he was going crazy, and some more building a wall around his mind (which is how he pictures holding his power at bay). This wall stays in place w/o additional concentration, as he spends a lot of time (mostly lying in bed at night) reinforcing it... 

There is a tiny pinhole his mother left (when she was forced to abandon him - whole backstory he DNK), which he can't bring himself to close (though he could then be completely 'normal', which is what he thinks he wants)... He justifies it as a release valve, stopping his powers from building up and exploding, blowing the whole wall down... it also bleeds him information about those around him, which he uses empathically... so at the moment he's using a very small fraction of his power. We won't find out just HOW powerful he is until book two - if I live through book one!

Sorry, probably TMI... I'll keep working on it... I think I'm getting there, now to battle those pesky adverbs... Present swords... 'er scissors!

In between THIS post and the one you answered about style for thoughts...

On this board, but as a new post, to differentiate it from this post...

OK... I did that at first (Italics, no quotes), then started second guessing myself, and added the quotes... then I couldn't decide which I liked better, and started wondering if there was a standard... so thanx for the clarification, I'll go delete the quotes - again...😚 

I just posted a rewrite of the scene, with a wee bit more of the opening and ending .. so you'll see he blocked all but the one (boar) he was focusing on... Earlier in the story he has worked hard building a protective wall (as he sees it) around his mind, as all those thoughts were driving him mad earlier in the book...

And I did think about the going sideways thing, but I decided the boar was so blinded by fury (and harried by dogs) it just ran blindly down the easiest path... do you think I need to add that? Its also a little focused on goring the target it sees in the way... hmmm, perhaps Milo is keeping it focused on him so it doesn't go after anyone else? Though with the dogs on its heels, I'm feeling it would take the path of least resistance (if you'll pardon the pun)... It's only blocked once at each end, so perhaps its NEXT choice would be sideways, but it DN get the option...

I do know I took license with regard to the verge, as I thought a horse might break a leg is he swerved into the underbrush. I also decided these large hunting parties, that hunted the woods around the castle regularly (not to mention the woodcutters who keep the castle supplied with firewood), would have widened the trail they're on <wink>...

Welcome! The group has been pretty quiet lately, but I think you'll find the people here really encouraging and helpful... I've only been here since the summer myself, so I'm a fair newbie myself! Congrats on finishing the first draft of your book, that's a great milestone. There are some really great editing videos available to members, so browse around and enjoy the learning!

I'm about half-way through this course... got sidetracked doing Nanowrimo, and am now working on finishing that first draft (after changing directions twice, which required rewrites). Anyway, just wanted to say hi - and welcome - again... maybe I'll go another session while its on my mind!

PS: That was less painful than I expected, and there was some great encouragement... so thank you once again!

Wow, that last sentence is the nicest compliment I've ever gotten! Let's say first draft, run through ProWritingAid to tighten... As I finish each chapter I PWA it, rather than trying to do the whole book at once. I do know I love "sticky" words, and even after PWA am usually sitting about 2% higher than that program likes... ah well!

I still have a few chapters to finish the book, as I realized 3/4 of the way through it needed a major shift in concept, so I've been working my way back from the beginning making the updates... THEN I added an additional bad guy and his sidekick, to aid in showing not telling 😆 , so I'm now threading him in through the story... but just about ready to knock out the ending. Fortunately, I do know where this one is heading... which is not always the case!!!

Then the hard part... letting it sit for a month before I start editing!!

I always wait (with baited breath) to see what you have to say, as your comments are usually really informative! 

Oops, I should have started a sentence or two before, I did explain that Milo has some mind powers... he sensed the animal's thoughts, so knew where it was going to attack from - so not head hopping, he read the boar's emotions...

It was also explained earlier in the chapter, that the beaters go ahead of the hunting party, and they follow behind waiting for something worth hunting to be flushed, at which point they move forward and take over... Maybe I need to clarify that the party is split, and the boar's attack separates them even more... so the animal is rushing back and forth along a trail, getting angrier as it is thwarted at every turn...

I KNEW you guys would have some good suggestions! I think I'll print out your thoughts and go back over the scene, rather than trying to jump back and forth...  Thanx for the help!

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