Jaye Sarasin

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Former teacher, volunteer in Africa, worker for the Science Research Council, maid; lived in Switzerland America Ivory Coast; passionate reader writer (mostly YA and MG) and gardener; author of The Green Enclave and Under the Dragon's Tooth (Not a very goood title as it is not about dragons).  Presently struggling with  Changelings follow up to The Green Enclave.  Known as Jenny from Leeds in the chat rooms.

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Ah for the ability to be concise!  Particularly like the bit about the opening clause

Well done Jo.  Hope it goes with a swing!

I usually agree totally with Rick although this time I do favour the first extract.  However he's right about the weaknesses of course.  Is there any way you can insert the odd sentence or two to make plain whether the wave is real or metaphorical and a tiny answer to the 'why?' I also would be happy to read more

Hi SM I accepted but don't see you in my feed?  Have you got a beta reader for the whole thing

Hi SM.  Couldn't agree more on this.  There seems to be a general attitude in writing advice at the moment - in much the same way as there is/was a minimalist vogue in architecture and decor - that writing must be lean and mean.  It is not only useless to push against the tide but deeply discouraging.  However, this doesn't mean that we have to conform totally to the current zeitgeist and we can all spot a great story when it appears whether minimalist or baroque, so press on I say.  Looking forward to getting your manuscript

Brilliant news Robert.  Bet you're feeling very happy with the world at the moment.  And let us know the name again of ye magnum opus.  

Brilliant Jon - sorry I missed it when you first put it up.  They should have paid you for it - although it's always nice seeing something in print.  How's your no-limbed heroine coming on, by the way?

Have friends in Quebec and Kelowna although have never visited Canada. An amazing country by all accounts. Raised in a little village in Sussex  now live in Yorkshire,  Each country has its own charms.  I also love historical fiction but write YA  dystopia - takes all sorts!

Hi Helen, Hi Georgina Hi Adele and NIcki Hi Reidr!   This was the most amazingly helpful thread as I was able to relate to so much of it!  I am somewhat daunted at the thought of getting the marketing right, as my first and very expensively self-published novel with no marketing (as I was naively unaware that you had to )promptly sank without trace.  Now I know about the 8 million other books out there I have adjusted my expectations accordingly and now have the second in the series almost ready to go.  Off to Canva! 

I agree totally with Glyn, having zoned out in much the same way.  However, I was tempted to read it just to find out how the mechanism works.  It should be possible to interleave at least the basics of the explanation in amongst the alchemist's actions, sometimes as asides, sometimes in answer to the student's occasional question.  Never more than a couple of lines at a time.  Just for an example he could produce the dog-eared notebook at some stage and the student  says -

'Oy that's mine.  I wondered where it went.' The alchemist was unperturbed and, adding something to the flask, said,' Ah, but now it contains the formula for the locator and we can thus  get him to access the precise memory he wishes to recall.'

And then, a little while later get him to explain the locator.  It would be a shame to lose all the technical stuff.

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