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Jimmy
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A husband, a father. Short story writing, long story procrastinating. Would really like a piece of me to be on this planet forever.
Hate social media. Love my own company. Need a cave if anyone has one for sale. Or even just a cubby hole.
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Jimmy Discussions
Added a comment to Social media for beginners
I don't know about beautiful, but thanks.
Do you ever have days where you really can't be bothered to write the story? It's quite the commitment thinking one up every day.
Good shout out Caron, we must all celebrate Lynn's greatness. All hail Lynn.
Well done, Lynn. Proud of you.
Added a comment to Does this come across as racist? Or, as it is intended, as an explanation of a misunderstanding?
Hello Georgina. As a 6' 2" black man, I can relate to how both parties would feel in this situation. I keep distance and sometimes even cross roads when passing women at night. I notice discomfort in body language: Taking phones out of pockets, moving handbags or holding them more secure etc.
I myself don't shy away from writing about sensitive issues. Some have of which people have helped me with here before. I believe anything should be allowed to be written about. But his is a tricky one to judge without reading the rest of the manuscript and knowing your character. If other scenes show her in this kind of light, this scene gives more insight into confirming her character. Otherwise, having the colour at the forefront of the description could be a red flag to some readers and possibly alienate them. Similarly to describing a council estate's tenants as, lets say, probably looking at newspaper pictures because they're unable to read them. (May be a bad example but I'm sure you get the drift).
When I hear people talking and hear them say, This black bloke came over, or A black woman said this or that, I think to myself, you didn't really need to mention the colour of their skin. But I suppose it is the same with any majority race speaking about a minority.
Basically what I'm trying to say is, I think this passage would work if it serves a purpose later, but if it stands alone it might unnecessarily take the focus away from your story.
I hope this helps. Good luck with it.
Hi Janet. This is a lovely extract. I agree with your editor. Names of violence could be read as literal. I.e. Bludgeon Street, or Masacre Road. The extra words add the literary effect for me.
Yes! Get in! Loved the story, Jon. Well done. And rest up.