Rick Yagodich

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Author of, predominantly, literary epic fantasy. But presentational genre is only a wrapper, and some stories demand other packaging. Custodian of an unhealthily long list of story ideas in need of writing.

Currently reworking An Empty Throne Contended Throne Blood Throne, book 1 of The Godsbridge Arc, which is "a coming-of-age/political-intrigue series that looks at how someone can become as evil and universally reviled as Sauron."

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Rick Yagodich Discussions
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I am trying to come up with a Word template for writing that includes all the tools one could need. …
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I have always placed my ellipses, in my writing, tight up against the last word of a truncated sente…
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  •  · It could be the difference between US and UK, Jon. Dreyer doesn't say so, though the UK edition of t…
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Just because I used an edit of it to get my mind working again, after a couple of weeks of bogging d…
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One for the plotters… pantsers might find this interesting, but it won't be meaningful to you…I'm in…
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  •  · It might be worth approaching it sequentially, too, rather than looking at act structures - just as …
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Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings is a famously deep and backstoried tale. The material created to sup…
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  •  · Great thread! Having started writing as a 'pantser' (3 novels ago) I am now beginning to appreciate …
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Alpha-reading… wait a moment. Alpha? How's that different from beta-reading?For those not familiar w…
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  •  · Thank you for this clear explanation. Very helpful. 

The big difference, Kate, is that "that guy at the gym" probably dreams of someone referencing the shape of his rear end, but doesn't believe he'll ever be so lucky…

And somewhere, i came across a different line between them – though I don't remember which way areound it was, so whether I agreed with it – with one side being people-centric stories and the other setting-centric. Though, in truth that's probably prejudiced based on the reading preferences of whomever came up with it.

An interesting theory as to the intimacy of headhopping, Harry.

My one example of it, done consciously – I won't share the passage per se, it's old and the rest of the writing may not be up to scratch – involved a very different type of intimacy. It was a fantasy setting, where one character (a child) saw the world with prescentience, while another (a wizard) manipulated a piglet's behaviour; said child was chasing the piglet. Paragraphs alternated between the two perceptions, or perhaps between the child's interior perception and a distant third-person perspective of the child and piglet's actions. It worked, I believe, because of the intimacy of the battle between wizard and child, played out in the corruption of the reality prescentience dictated. (The point of the attack was to kidnap the child.)

Laure's answer is perhaps incomplete (even if technically right).

Both of your options are viable, depending what you mean, and admittedly the second is a rather obscure usage with respect to oneself.

You probably mean the first. She's there, stretched out. While that is the case, something happens.

The second could mean that the event happens during that moment she is laying herself down. She's not standing. She's not already stretched out. This is the act of transition. Effectively the same meaning as the egg scenario, but it can apply to other things; frequently used with respect to carpets, for example.

I haven't, but I know the enhancements I can make without using it. Indeed, some of it came from feedback from others on here. I'd recommend that before spending money on an assessment. Develop relationships with others here, find people who can give feedback in a form that makes sense to you, and ask a few – really, only one or two per draft – to read it for you. If you choose the right people, you'll get as useful feedback as you would from a JW assessment, and it'll only cost you returning the favour.

As the others say, chasing won't accomplish anything. Either because the agent is too busy, or because nagging…

As to how to progress, there's no easy answer, Your current work is almost certainly salvageable. Few are so bad that something decent couldn't be made of them. The question is: what do you need to learn, what craft do you need to refine, to be able to massage it into shape?

Welcome.

Good to hear that you've learned the first lesson – of many – of writing.

I wasn't asking about the technicalities of the spell in order to explain it. I asked in order to get the details of the experience right.

As I mentioned, depending which side of the cornea the spell affects, the experience will be different. The character doesn't need to understand it, doesn't even need to try to make sense of it. But the detail of what's experienced – rubs eyes, sees distorted shapes (try it, even in the dark, the eyes create signals when rubbed vigorously) – will make the passage more real.

I haven't read the whole thing, Phil. I just scrolled down to see how long it was, and my eyes caught on the last paragraph. And there, I… I… I…

Maybe that's the only place in the piece that overloads in that way, but that would be surprising. So I'll point you to this post of Harry's.

I'll agree with Glyn, at least insofar as anything but a monospaced font. They are unreadable, especially single spaced. 1.5-spaces, and any half-sensible proportionally spaced font is fine, (Double-spaced is just oo damned loose for my tastes, again verging on hard to read.)

Basically, what Glyn said.

Except, personally, I like the glimmer of light eclipsing dark; the inversion works for me.

I'll add to the list: His eyes wandered…? I suspect they are darting rather than wandering, Also, the way that bit is described lacks a sense of reality. His head would turn. His head roll on the ground. He wouldn't just lie there, stretched out. He's probably be half-perched on an elbow by the end of that moment searching for a sign of anything.

And, about three quarters of the way through, there's a double then. It might not look too bad, but the second felt like a fourth, it jarred.

An extra detail I was thinking about last night, before this rewrite. What is the nature of this blindness. Yes, I get that it's magical. But where is the magic working? Is it stopping light from entering his eyes, or stopping any signal from reaching his brain. There is a massive difference; specifically that in the former case, running his eyes would mean he would see spots of some sort.

A good question, Ben. Your solution and Libby's, are both decent. This is one of those cases where there may not be a truly good answer; the best you can do is rearrange your sentences to avoid the uncertainty of shared pronouns.

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